


An Open Letter From Severus Snape

by violet_quill



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Community: Theatrical Muse, Fanfiction, Gen, Meta
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-11-24
Updated: 2010-11-24
Packaged: 2017-10-13 08:45:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 409
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/135377
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/violet_quill/pseuds/violet_quill
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dear fan fiction writers...</p>
            </blockquote>





	An Open Letter From Severus Snape

**Author's Note:**

> Written in 2004 as Snape for Theatrical Muse.

I have been teaching for a very long time, and have been _listening_ for even longer. This place is a hive of loose tongues and idle gossip, ignorance obviously as rampant in these matters as it is in everything else.

Therefore, it does not surprise me that there have been a few _misconceptions_ formed about me. I would not deign to theorize why I am of interest at all, but as it appears I am I certainly would not have expected any of these people to _get it right_.

I am not a vampire. I prefer the dungeons because the students do not. I wear black because my boots always match my robes. I do not care for the taste of blood, particularly if it is my own. And if I was immortal I certainly would not have doomed myself to teach a bunch of idiots for all of eternity. This may be my favorite rumor, however... I am almost impressed by its originality - but the students unfortunately already had their shot with a Dark Creature for a professor, and as he almost ate several of them he is no longer on the staff.

I am not a lonely man looking for love. _Please_.

Along those lines, here is a list of feelings that I do not have for Harry Potter: love, lust, fondness, anything paternal, sympathy, pity, tolerance. Here is a list of feelings I do have: loathing, mistrust, bitterness, perpetual irritation.

I am not an attractive man. I have a big nose and greasy hair. I understand that some of you find something intriguing in my voice; I'm afraid this cannot be helped. The best I can do is use it to tell you what a moron you are.

There are no shackles in the dungeon. And even if there were, they would not be employed in any sort of sexual activity.

I could make a list of people with whom I have never had any sort of sexual/romantic relationship, but I'll just make it easy for you: if you think I have, I haven't.

I do not like you. I assure you that this is probably the case no matter who may be reading this. There are very few people in the world for which I have respect, and I wouldn't particularly say that I like them.

Now, feel free to continue to weave stories about me as you see fit. They occasionally amuse me.


End file.
